I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
