I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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