so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
