so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
