Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
