I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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