Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
