allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
