I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
