I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
