I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
