today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we're making bets on your personal life
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
