He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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