I just saw a hot homeless man
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
