then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My room smells like vodka and shame
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Your penis caused this!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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