would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
