Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
