dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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