he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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