SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
