3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
