the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
