i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
