it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
