You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
