yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
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the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
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Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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