Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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