Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
