We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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