Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
