he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
