how can u be prego again
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
