my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
