My nipple is on Facebook.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
