She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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