There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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