No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize