dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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