You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
