i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
