textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
