it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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