I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
