So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
