Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize
