oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
