Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
