Non-Jews are for practice
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
