Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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