woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
