the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Someone signed my nipple.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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