I just pynch a tree in the face
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
