If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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