i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
