the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
