This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Randomize
