Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
