She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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