Sry I called you an 8
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
