Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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