I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
