idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you had me at cake vodka
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
