yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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