I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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