she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
