And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
